Become a Wide Receiver
Have you ever given someone a compliment and they said, “Awe, it was nothing” or “Anyone could have done it.”? Here’s something to think about. If you can’t receive a compliment, you can’t receive much else. As a result, you put a serious limit to how much success and fulfillment you can accept in your life. Ask me how I know this!
My Downfall can be Your Upswing
Once, as a 9-year old kid, I pitched in a baseball game and struck out nearly all the batters. The next day my family and I traveled to Pittsburgh to see my grandparents and I ran through the door yelling, “Nana, Papa, guess what? I pitched a shutout and nobody could hit the ball off me!” Immediately my father stepped in and said, “Craig, don’t brag like that. Bragging is not a good thing. You won’t always pitch that well and your next game might not be as good.”
Now that’s definitely sound advice with great intentions. However, as a 9-year old, all I heard was, “Your next game might not be as good.” Guess what? It wasn’t! In fact, with this new mantra rolling around in my mind, my next game was horrible. I couldn’t throw a strike. I walked so many kids around the bases that, after the game, one of the kid’s brothers on the other team approached me and said, “Hey, would you like to walk my dog too?” How cruel.
My New Belief
That was an emotional moment for me, which drove home the following new belief; when good things happen, bad things will follow. In other words, if I have a good game, or test score, or performance of any kind, the next one “won’t be as good.” This became a self-fulfilling prophecy because anytime something good came my way I got scared and thought, “Something bad is right around the corner.” Then I’d manifest that bad thing.
As a result, for nearly two decades after that incident I put an unconscious limit on the amount of success that could come into my life. It could have been raining success outside but I was basically walking around with a teacup rather than a bucket. I could only accept so much before I was overflowing. For example, if I got a raise I would find a way to quit the job. If I got into a great relationship I would find an excuse to mess it up or get out of it. If I made good money I would find a way to lose it. I was generally scared of too much success. I had an “It’s too good to be true” attitude, which made me a poor receiver.
The Path of the Poor Receiver
Here’s what I figured out as I grew older. Most people have this same teacup complex to some degree! It’s not just failure that holds people back, it is success too. People feel like “what goes up must come down” and so they unconsciously beat themselves to the punch by sabotaging their own success. They might not sabotage it all but they sabotage just enough to keep themselves in their realm of comfort.
I worked with homeless men who were striving every day to get back on their feet. This was almost always a successful process until…they got back on their feet. As soon as they’d get a new job or some semblance of success came their way, they’d mess it up by turning back to drugs or leaving the program or finding a reason to get put out. Why? It’s because their teacup couldn’t hold that much success. They were poor receivers. It’s not just the homeless though. Here are some other examples:
- Someone makes it all the way to the World Championship of Public Speaking just to go over time on the speech and be disqualified because of it.
- A boxer becomes the best in the world but then gets arrested and put in prison
- A friend of mine keeps hopping from job to job and just when he gets promoted, he gets in a fight with his managers and keeps getting fired
Are you Aware of your Ability to Receive?
All too often this teacup complex is unconscious so the first step is to become aware of it. Let’s look at some questions to help you determine if you suffer at all from this poor receiver complex:
- Do you cringe or feel at all uncomfortable when people give you compliments?
- Do you ever shrug off compliments and say, “Awe, it was nothing.”?
- Are you okay with other people picking up the check after a meal?
- When someone gives you a gift, how do you feel? Obligated?
- If a great tribute were held in your honor, would you feel worthy of it?
- Have you ever made excuses for your success? For example, you might have said something like, “Well there weren’t very many people in my department and that’s why I won Manager of the Year.”
If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you have at least a bit of this complex. If you answered no to all of these questions, read them again. If you still answered no, the following advice can still help you.
So How Can We Fix this Complex or Improve our Receiving Ability?
Three words will help. When I learned to use these 3 words, my whole world opened up and, over time, I felt a tremendous increase of self-worth (and net worth for that matter). I came upon these words as I watched an awards show that had a tribute to the movie mogul Tyler Perry. Praise upon praise was tossed his way by the most heralded people in Hollywood before he finally approached the microphone to receive his reward. The first words out of his mouth were the following: “I receive that.”
I was blown away. “I receive that?” He didn’t make any excuse for why he had done so well. He didn’t say, “Awe, it was nothing.” He didn’t look as if he had a teacup in the midst of raining praise. Instead, he appeared to have an ocean. It seemed like his level of success was unlimited. I receive that!
From that day on, every single time I received a compliment in person or online (which happens a lot in my line of work), I quietly said to myself, “I receive that.” I still do this each and every time! And then of course I thank the person and never try to shun the compliment. It’s no coincidence that, in the last several years, I have had so much success come my way. The fact is I’m able to receive it fully because I continue to build my receiving muscle daily. Are you building yours?
Again, if you can’t receive a compliment, you can’t receive much else including higher levels of success. You just won’t have the capacity to handle it. However, every time you say, “I receive that,” you automatically turn your teacup into a bucket and then into a river and then into an ocean so that there is no limit to how much success you can stand. With each “I receive that,” you will become a wider receiver and you’ll feel your self-worth rising every single day.
Your Next Pitch
When I look back on where I was a decade ago, I can hardly recognize that limited individual. It’s appropriate though that my teacup complex started with me as a baseball pitcher. Why? Because metaphorically speaking I was always worrying about the next pitch. Now I finally understand that “The next pitch is to myself.” Your next pitch is to yourself. You have to pitch yourself on the idea of your own worth…your own greatness, and you have to do it consistently. It’s not hard, it only takes 3 words.
Your Next 30 Days
For the next 30 days, whenever someone gives you a compliment or some good fortune comes your way, practice saying, “I receive that.” You should find yourself saying it several times per day. This is how you become a wide receiver. As you scanned through this message you might have found yourself saying, “Craig, this is a really great idea. I’m going to use it to take the limit off my success. Your messages are changing the world.” Well, I just have one thing to say. I receive that.
Remember, your dream is not for sale!
One Response to “Become a Wide Receiver”
Craig,
I’ve heard different variations of the “consciousness of wealth” theory that is used to explain why lottery winners can’t stay rich. It’s interesting to hear such a similar theory to achieving success.
It occurs to me that I have my own teacup problem, although I think I’m closer to a coffee mug. Taking an occational compliment is not so tough, but having too many at once can feel overwhelming.
I can’t confidently say when I’ll have the chance again, but when I do, I’m going to try your “I receive that” advice and look forward to the change in the next 30 days.
Rob